Let’s talk about sex…


Better yet lets not, let’s discuss intimacy instead. Now I know you’re probably thinking “Marla, isn’t sex intimacy though?” I’m glad you asked, because no it isn’t. Sex is just one level of Intimacy, and while it’s great, it’s a minor part. Intimacy is defined as “A close familiarity or friendship; closeness.” Nowadays we’re so caught up in trying to be in love, we forget to be friends first. I personally believe the reason why so many of our relationships fail is because we don’t take the time out to build intimacy with our partners, to get to know them in ways no one else does. Now to become intimate with someone requires a lot of trust and, if you happen to be dating me (😬), lots of patience. Never fear because I have some tips to help guide you on this journey to a deeper, more fulfilling connection with your partner:

No relationship can survive without it. How many times do we talk at each other instead of to each other? You’d be surprised just how much you can learn about a person (or yourself) by just sitting down and having a conversation. A major part of effective communication is also listening. Don’t only listen to what your partner says, but pay attention to how they say it and what their body language is.


And not just during a conversation. Do it while your kissing. Do it during sex. Do it just to see who’ll blink first. The eyes are the window to the soul. You can tell a lot about a person just by staring into their eyes. One of the ways we like to hide from exposing our feelings is by sheltering our eyes. Our eyes are our most expressive features, many things can be said with the eyes. Two weeks ago we watched President Obama and First Lady Michele have an entire conversation during his farewell speech in a room of hundreds, with just their eyes. Their affection for each other was felt around the world and not a single word needed to be said between them.

Seriously, just sleep. We are most vulnerable in our subconscious state so allowing yourself to fall asleep next to someone requires a lot of trust, and trust builds intimacy. Everyone has insecurities about their sleeping habits. Whether you’re a restless sleeper, you snore or like to drool, getting used to sleeping with someone can be a scary thing. Trusting your partner in sleep is also a great way to build feelings of safety and security in your relationship.



It’s another way of communicating. It’s all about letting our bodies say what we sometimes can’t say out loud. Everything from holding hands to kissing to cuddling to…booty grabs. It all helps to build physical intimacy (outside of sex) between you and your partner.

Nothing screams intimacy more than being able to connect with your partner mentally, spiritually and emotionally, all while allowing your mind to transcend from this plane to the next. Meditation not only allows you to relax your mind, but it also brings about a state of calm. Being calm helps you to be a better listener which in turn allows you to be a better communicator.


Like I said before there are many different ways to be intimate with someone and over time as your relationship changes and grows, the ways will change too. At the end of the day it’s all about having a strong connection and foundation.



Let Me Cater To You…Bae


Marla Here.

I still have my Christmas lights up (thou shalt not judge me) and yet Valentine’s Day stuff has been in the stores since December 26th. Now I personally don’t subscribe to the materialism of this particular “holiday” but I do believe love itself should be celebrated.

For the next few weeks leading up to Valentine’s Day, I’ve decided to share some of my alternative ideas on what to do or how to celebrate.

First up are the guys, yes ladies, it’s not all about us, men should get treated too. Here are my 5 (of many) ways to show your man you care, not only on Valentines Day, but anytime:


With your own hands. Instead of spending hundreds on a spa day, do one at home. Give him a mani/pedi with hand and foot rubs. Mani/Pedis not his thing? Be his masseuse. Grab some oils, rub his shoulders, his neck and his back. If he’s bald, don’t forget his scalp. Instead of being the source of his stress, be his stress relief.

And make a day of it. Take him to his favorite stores, watch him try on some thing. Go to his favorite jewelry spot and let him pick out something. If he’s not into clothes, go to his favorite game or hobby store and let him pick out what he wants. Spoil him for once and then foot the bill.



And then feed it to him by hand. Guys are constantly complaining that we women don’t cook. Give him a surprise one night. Wear something nice, cook some of his favorites. Set an ambiance and feed him from your own hand. You can set a nice table or even have a little indoor picnic for two.



In the bedroom. Let him have his way with you (within your comfortable limits, of course). Tell him it’s all about him tonight. Let him try some things or you try some things you’ll know he’ll like.


So he can have some peace. Just like you want to be left alone sometimes, so does your man. When he comes home, meet him with a smile, a drink and just let him decompress. Or on his day off, get rid of the kids, leave his favorite snacks in the kitchen and disappear for the day too. Let him recharge his batteries or watch his favorite sport with out the interruption of screaming kids or nagging woman.

What are some ways you plan on treating you man this Valentine’s Day? Leave your comments below.